I couldn't find a pattern for my thick yarn, but the concept is simple enough. Cast on a few stitches and work in rib pattern then increase every right side row until it's the size you want, knit until it's the length you want, then decrease. I was worried about running out of yarn but as it turns out, I actually made it slightly too big! Not to worry though, it will still keep my ears warm without messing up my hair.
This last picture makes me feel like a teenager ... taking pictures of myself. I hope it actually looks cute on my head, but at some point in the middle of the winter I'm sure I won't care because attempting to keep my body above the freezing point will be my single-minded preoccupation. And at least I made no waste of that yarn and rewarded myself with this very fast (less than 1 hour) little project.
Bring it on, winter.
... ah ... I mean ...